


Retribution

by faultymindpalace



Series: All's Fair [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Codename:Frostbite, Darcy is James' daughter, Darcy is Natasha's Daughter, F/M, Spies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-07-01 07:27:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15769401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faultymindpalace/pseuds/faultymindpalace
Summary: The aftermath.A series of one shots that's set after the events of C:F.(There will be other one shots of Darcy's past in the next few chapters.)





	1. Intermission

Natasha pauses before opening the door. She’s afraid of placing her hand on the passcode panel, as if the keys would turn into fangs and bite her hand off. She managed to convince Maria to give her the passcode, cashing in one of Maria’s many unpaid debts. If she were completely mad, she would laugh at herself. The rage that brought her here seemed to fizzle out. A fire blazed inside of her, firing her synapses, making her feel everything all at once. Then as she stomped at his door there was nothing, other than a thick grey cloud of smoke.

Natasha presses in the code and the door slides open. She takes two silent steps inside. He springs from his bed, expecting another guard. His hands are up, open palmed. His eyes widened at the sight of Natasha. He stays frozen for a moment. They both are. He lowers his arms.

“Natalia.” he says her old name, a name that isn’t really a secret but a name only a few people use.

Questions start to pop up in her mind, all grabbing her attention. She can’t decide where to start.

“You look good.” She says. James chuckles and runs his hands through his hair. He shuffles his feet and sits on the mattress.

“You too.” His gaze sweeps up from her boots to her eyes. She can’t help the heat blooming in her cheeks as he smirks, satisfied with what he sees.

“She didn’t remember you, you know.” Bucky says, beating her to the question. “She never knew who you really were until I came.”

Natasha doesn’t know what to answer to that. She takes a tiny step further, then another, and another, until he is looking up at her. His eyes are glassy and wet. Her hand ghosts right above his chin, afraid to touch him, as if he would disappear.

“Did you remember me?” she asks, her voice so soft she didn’t think he would hear it. His eyebrows race and she swallows. Her face is heating up. “After DC.” she adds, remembering their match a lifetime ago.

“You never left my mind.” He leans his cheek to her open palm and she gasps. She feels her tears run their familiar trek down her cheeks. She pulls her hand away as if his stubble burned her.

“Don’t play with me.” She hisses. She didn’t know what hurt most, the bitterness bubbling in her, hot and scalding, or the pain in his face as she retreats.

“I’m not.” He says, his voice thick. Natasha shakes her head. She backs up until her hands find purchase on the opposite wall.

“Talia.” He’s standing now, reaching out to her. Natasha makes her way to the door but he grabs her wrist. Old instincts flare and she twists, ready to land a punch but he catches her fist easily. Natasha’s chest rise and fall. James looks at her tenderly, like one would approach an injured animal.

With gentle hands he moves her wrists and brings them down. His thumbs caress the skin between her palm and her sleeve. Natasha tries to tamp down the shiver she gets with the contact. Her skin pebbles into gooseflesh.

“Rest. You’re overwhelmed.” He says, his voice is calm and tender, strange and yet so familiar. Natasha closes her eyes and takes a deep breath through her clenched teeth. Then she hears heavy footsteps and the top of her head, scratches against his stubble. He pulls her into his embrace. For once in a long time, Natasha melts into his warmth. She wrenches her hands away and James is about to take a step back when she wraps them around his waist and pulls him close. His arms circle around her, pulling him toward her a little too tight but she doesn’t care. She holds on to him for what felt like forever. She doesn’t realize that she’s sobbing. She buries her face on the crook of his neck. He smells like sweat and gunpowder, like he always did.

“I never forgot you. No matter how much I tried, you were always there.” She confesses. His breath hitched. She’s tried so many times to forget him, believing that he was gone to her. They told him that she was dead. She believed them. They told him that they killed their daughter. She believed them. She was scared to live in a world without the both of them but she had to. So she believed them. They fed her lies and she ate it all up. She had to because she can’t believe the alternative. She’ll never forgive herself that she left them behind.  

Natasha couldn’t stop talking, words pouring out of her like a crack in a dam.

“Then I saw you in Washington and it was like seeing a ghost and for a minute I thought. I hoped.” James brings her face towards him, his real hand cupping her face. His thumb swipes at the tears.

“I never forgot you. Fighting you in Washington broke my heart. I wanted…” His voice is thick and hoarse, probably fighting his own sob. “I couldn’t do anything. Then I had to fight Steve.” His lips are quivering and Natasha knows that she just had to stand on the tips of her toes and kiss him. Instead, she closes her eyes and leans her forehead on his chin. James is still shaking under her embrace.

“What’s going to happen to you?” Maria said that she already made a decision. She doesn’t know if he’s going to disappear again.

“I don’t know. But I’ll make my way back to you. I always have.” Natasha brings herself up to look at him again.

“Will you?”

“If you want me to.” He says. Natasha sees the resolve in his eyes and it scares her. Suddenly her arms go slack and she takes a step back. He lets go of her, his hands fisting at his sides. She can’t look at him. Their moment has passed. She looks at the floor.

“I should lie down.” She says.

“You should.” He says but the tenderness is barely there. Natalia turns to the door, her head spinning when he calls out to her again.

“Talia.” Natasha is brought back to Wanda’s vision of her running endlessly in a hallway. He was always calling out to her but she was out of reach. Now, he’s standing right here and her hands are shaking.

“I’m tired of running.” he admits to her. She can’t bear to see his face. She can’t handle the promise in his eyes. The keys are cool under her fingers. The door slides open and she walks, then her walk turns into a run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I MISS ALL OF YOU! 
> 
> HERE HAVE SOME MORE ONE SHOTS IN THE C:F UNIVERSE 
> 
> HAVE A GREAT DAY


	2. Barnes' Family Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Darya's and Bucky's first Christmas. Chaos ensues.

A Barnes Family Christmas

 

_Queens, New York. December 19, 2015_

 

Sunlight peeks through the drawn curtains. The dust dances in the rays and they float around until someone sneezes. She rubs her nose in her sleep, groaning as she rolls to her side. The door opens and he moves in, rapidly, disturbing the gentle dance of dust.

“Darya.” He pokes her shoulder. Words slip out of her mouth but he couldn’t make it out. He crouches and half of his ass sits on the edge. He ducks his head under the top bunk.

“Darya.” he pokes again. Then he does it again, incessantly. “Darya Darya Darya Darya Darya Darya.” He says until she sits up, her hands clawing for his wrists.

“Pietro!” she shouts. His laughs rings in the room and Darya glares at him. He’s standing in the doorway now, a smirk on his lips.

“You’re glad you have superspeed or else I will break your wrist.” Pietro sticks his tongue out.

“Get dressed.” He says. “We’re going to buy a tree. Whatever that means.”

Darya rubs her eyes and yawns. Shit. She completely forgot.

“It’s early.” She grumbles.

“It’s two in the afternoon.” Pietro says.

“Exactly.” Darya lies back down on the bed and she thinks that fifteen minutes more won’t be that much. Training has been hard on her for the past few weeks. Apparently, Maria did not spare her in her little SHIELD bootcamp she set up for her. She did, however, give her a break until the New Year. That break started today.

Her heavy eyelids start to droop until something light and cottony is thrown at her chest.

“C’mon Darya. James is already starting the car.” This time it’s Wanda. She doesn’t even bother to hide the excitement in her voice.

Darya sits up and hauls her legs over the bunk. She rolls her shoulders back, relishing and cringing at the soreness there. She looks at the maroon sweater and the black slim pants that Wanda tossed at her.

“You better layer up. It’s fucking freezing.” Wanda says, putting on her boots. Darya stands and changes her clothes.

“Excited aren’t we?” Darya says.

“I can barely hold it in.” Wanda says. Darya smiles and surveys her bed. She fixes the covers and fluffs the pillows. She turns and sees Pietro’s single bed on the other side of the room. It’s messy with books and clothes, haphazardly thrown on top.

“Darya.” Wanda calls to her. “It’s our first Christmas together.” Her grin reaches from ear to ear. Seeing her so happy causes a sudden warmth to flow inside of her. Wanda has her hair into a messy bun and strands brush the side of her face. Darya remembers her face when they rescued her from the facilities. Even though she was only captured for less than forty-eight hours, the exertion was too much.

Looking at her now, her cheeks are filled out and there are lights in her eyes. Some days, a cloud washes over them, threatening to pull her back to the darkness. Darya’s there though, for all of it. Pietro as well, and her father. They all take care of each other.

“I know.”

Darya walks down to see her father and Pietro funneling hot coffee onto thermoses.

“Hello Iapochka, had a good rest?” He says. Darya goes around the corner and his lips brush against her forehead. Darya grabs her neon pink thermos.

“I thought you were at the car.” She says as she takes a sip. She goes to the counter and adds one more teaspoon of sugar.

“Just heating it up. Thought we would need the coffee for the trip.” He says.

“I don’t think buying a tree would take more than two hours.” Darya replies, satisfied now with her coffee.

“Wanda wants to make sure the tree is perfect. You know she’s been researching right? She even knows where to go.” Pietro reports, wrapping an arm around her sister. “Such a little control freak.” Wanda puckers and pushes her brother away.

“I want this Christmas to be special.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Now c’mon!” Wanda practically runs outside and everyone follows, even Darya notices the smile that graces her father’ features.

* * *

 

_Astoria, Queens. Hours later._

Darya is shaken out of her grogginess when she hears the first notes of Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas. She walks with Wanda, ahead of the two men as they peruse the trees. In her opinion, all of them look the same. Yet, she knows that Wanda, seeing all the ten tabs in her laptop for the past few days, she’s looking at it technically. Who knew she was this detailed oriented when she put her mind to it.

“How ‘bout this one?” Pietro says. He stands in front of a towering pine, dark green, and healthy. Wanda takes one look and shakes her head.

“Too short.” She says. Pietro sighs. Darya places a hand on his shoulders and silently asks him to be a little bit more patient. Pietro rolls his eyes. Darya could feel his agitation working through his muscles. Just like Wanda, Pietro has come a long way.

Let’s just say that as trust issues goes, Pietro and Tony are neck and neck.

“I’m tired. I feel like I’m going insane looking at fifty version of the same tree. Also, if I hear one more elf sing out of key I swear…”

“Yes, because you sing so well.” Bucky jumps in. Pietro’s ears pink, and not because of the weather. “The bathroom isn’t sound proof.”

“But it has the best acoustics.” Darya buts in. She warps her arm around Pietro’s now. “C’mon Pietro. When’s the last time you had that Christmas spirit?” She jokes but she sees his eyes darken and his mouth is a thin line. She spares a look at Bucky and he nods, excusing himself.

“Gotta make sure that Wanda doesn’t end up in Narnia.” He says. “Get it? Cause all these trees and snow?” Bucky pushes the joke further and Darya rolls her eyes.

“Don’t you need a wardrobe for that?” Pietro replied and Darya laughs. She feels a gust of pride as Pietro recognizes the reference. Bucky shrugs his shoulders and walks away. Pietro’s gaze follows Bucky’s retreating form. Darya tugs on his arm again.

“Hey.” She calls out to him. Pietro dips his chin to look at her.

“Hey.” He says back.

“It’s your first Christmas.” Darya says. “It means a lot to your sister. It means a lot to me too.” Pietro untangles his arm from her and settles it on her waist and they start to walk. Darya doesn’t know what to make of that gesture but he isn’t an unwelcomed presence either. Darya leans against him.

“So can you please just… indulge us?” Darya doesn’t want to sound like a whining child. Pietro’s grey eyes land on her and for a moment she notices how old they look, even though she could feel the youth in his very fingertips.

“Fine.” He relents and Darya presses her cold dry lips on his cheeks. She doesn’t notices the blush that spread on his face. Instead she sees that they’re already walking up to her father and Wanda already bickering.

“You know, for a nineteen year old, you’re more of a grumpy old man than my father.” Darya whispers and Pietro chuckles.

“For a fifty year old woman, you act like a teenager.” He shoots back.

“It’s called a midlife crisis and I’m not ashamed of any of it.” She says. They could finally hear what they’re bickering about. The salesman has already backed away. A smart move.

“We can’t afford this Wanda. I’m sorry but we still have a dinner to take care of.” Bucky says. Wanda huffs. Darya already notices that she has her phone out.

“Then I’ll take care of it.” Wanda says in a huff. Wisps of steam escape her mouth as she speaks.

“When did you have money?” Pietro pipes up.

“She means I’m paying for it.” Someone says behind her and the group look behind them to see Clint grinning. Steve and Sam flank him and Darya takes in a breath. Her eyes land on Steve and she catches his gaze. Now Pietro’s arm seems too warm on her skin or maybe it’s Steve’s gaze once he notices. Suddenly a spark of anger fills her chest, replacing the guilt she feels.

Didn’t really matter since Wanda goes to hug Clint in greeting. Clint wraps his arms around Wanda and twirls her around. Pietro stiffens. Darya gives him a squeeze before she releases him and goes to her father. She notices how she always resorts to her father whenever she finds himself in Steve’s presence.

She takes the price tag from him and she blows a low whistle.

“Didn’t know SHIELD pays you enough to afford this.” She jokes. Clint finally puts her down and walks up to her. He gives her a side hug. He grabs the price tag and scoffs.

“This is cheap by my standards.” he says. Darya rolls her eyes. “Plus, this is Wanda’s first Christmas. She deserves a good tree.” He pulls Wanda to her side. “You know, before the whole surprise family members and Northern Canada’s winter wonderland, we were actually excited for Wanda to have her first Christmas.”

“Really now?” Darya and Clint are the ones talking, trying to quench the tension between Pietro, Steve, and Bucky.

“Yeah.” Wanda says. “Clint was the one to pay for the tree and me and Steve would take care of the take out. Right Steve?” Wanda says and for a moment, Steve pauses before he says,

“Yeah. We did.”

“Take out for Christmas dinner? Wow punk. Out of the both of us, you were the better cook.” Bucky jumps in and Steve looks at him with wide eyes. It takes him a moment to recover with an easy smile. Darya swallows. She looks at both of them and her heart swells.

“You mean I was the best in heating up whatever you can flirt off from Tonia Beck.” Bucky laughs and Steve can’t help but laugh along with him.

“So, anyway!” Darya claps her gloved hands together. “Clint is paying for the tree yes?” He nods his head. “Then let’s go cause I’m freezing here.”

Clint starts to call the salesman standing by when Darya pipes up.

“Since you have money, you owe me for all the Starbucks I paid for you.”

* * *

 

_A nearby Target._

Bucky pushes a large red cart as the group make their way through the Christmas section looking for decorations for their new tree. Clint and company have stayed behind, saying that they have to look for the tree in Stark Tower. They offered to deliver the tree since they couldn’t give out their address and Bucky’s beat up Honda won’t be able to carry it.

When Darya can no longer feel Steve’s eyes on her, she sighs a breath of relief. She scolds herself once she feels disappointment, recognizing her own longing.

“So are we doing the Christian mom approach?” Bucky asks her. She is put out of her reverie and she realizes that she was staring at a gaudy small figurine of the Virgin Mary.

“Ew, no.” Darya turns to face him. Wanda and Pietro have run off, attracted by the red and green glamour of it all. Darya sees the smirk on his face and she feels like he knows who she is thinking about.

“You thinking about getting some mistletoes?” Bucky asks. Darya feels the heat creep up her neck.

“No!” She says. “Plus, the person I could kiss without throwing up would probably Pietro.” They walk, looking for little angel decorations. Bucky quirks a brow.

“Please, he’s practically a son to me.”

“Sure.” Darya turns to him and stares at him.

“Dad.” She crosses her arms on her chest. “Why the sudden interest in my love life?”

“I’m your father. I have a right to know.” It was time for Darya to quirk her brow. She shrugs and goes back to her shopping.

“No need to get all defensive. I’m just asking. You know, since you might have a conflict of interest.” Darya quips. She looks at a child angel attached to a flimsy string. She tosses it to the cart. Bucky raises his arms in defense.

“Hey, hey, hey. I have enough problems in my love life to worry about yours.” Darya rolls her eyes.

“I have to ask, am I going to set a table for five?”

“Depends. How many friends do you still have left?” Darya frowns. Her father meant it as a joke but she took it like a blow to the stomach. She sucks in a breath through her clenched teeth and she looks away. She damns her tears forming in her eyes.

“Oh shit. Sorry Darya. I didn’t…” Bucky walks to her for a hug and she accepts it.

“It’s fine dad. You’re right. I don’t have that much friends left.” She sniffles and her father walks away.

“Well you’ve got me.” He says.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” She says dramatically, earning a chuckle from her father.

“Love you kiddo.” He says, his voice barely a whisper.

“Love you too dad.”

_December 24, 2015_

_Queens, New York_

Darya settles on the couch, letting herself sink on the worn cushions. She nurses a mug of hot chocolate on her stomach. Wanda leans on her shoulder, nursing her own mug. They watch a rerun of It’s A Wonderful Life. Pietro’s legs lies on their laps as he snoozes. To the left of the small television is their wonderful tree.

It’s their luck that it fits. Even though Wanda could swoon over its thick trunk and healthy branches, she didn’t take into account if it would fit their small apartment building. They took a breath seeing that there was still a foot from the tip to the roof. There was also a debate on placing a star or an angel on the top.

Wanda wanted the angel but Pietro wanted a plain gold star. Darya was just the mediator. Bucky, apparently, had a quick errand to run. At two a.m. in the morning? Sure.

“You bought a porcelain topper, Wanda. We all know that Darya is accident prone.” Pietro said.

“Woah woah woah. Why the sudden mudslinging Speedy?”

“Don’t call me speedy.”

“C’mon guys, let’s just put the angel on top. It’s just a tree.” Darya sighed. Her fingers are tacky because of the tape and adhesive. Her hair is itchy with small pine needles.

“Fine. Whatever.” Pietro stalks off, leaving wrapping paper billowing in the wind.

“What’s his problem?” Darya asks but Wanda shrugs it off, happy to put the angel on top.

Thirty minutes later when Bucky arrived, he kicked the door close too hard the tree shook and the angel fell to the floor, in pieces.

Wanda scowled at Pietro as he smirked.

“Are we going to stay up for Santa Claus?” Wanda asks Darya, her eyes still trained on the TV. Darya laughs.

“What?” Wanda sits up, looking at Darya. “You know, he’s the one bringing gifts?” Darya looks over at the bottom of the tree and sees the gifts that they all wrapped. She looks back at Wanda and sees the sincerity in her eyes. Darya stops herself from laughing.

“He isn’t real, sweetheart.” Darya says. Wanda huffs and rolls her eyes.

“I know, Darya. I’m not a child.” She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. I just wanted to stay up all night. You know, I read that there are some countries who actually wait for midnight. There’s a whole feast and everything.” Darya tucks a stray hair from Wanda’s face.

“If you want to wait for midnight just say the word. But I don’t think Bucky and Pietro are up for it. You know these grumpy old men.” Pietro grumbles something as if he heard her. Wanda giggles.

“You can spend the night at the Tower though. I bet Tony is hosting a party.” Wanda worries her lips, avoiding Darya’s eyes. “You were invited, weren’t you?”

“You’re invited too.”

“It’s a pity invite. I know I’m not wanted.”

“How can you be so sure?” Darya stares at Wanda.

“You do remember what happened this past year or did Pietro bump your head against something while he carried you out?”

Wanda huffs and grumbles.

“I’m just saying…”

“You want to go to the party?” Wanda looks at me, her blue green eyes pleading. She doesn’t say anything.

“It’s perfectly fine, sweetheart. We won’t take it against you.” Darya hides the fact that she didn’t want Wanda to go. A selfish part of her wanted Wanda to stay, because God knows that the guilt of this year has been piling up on her. Her conversation at Target reminded her as much. To think that all her friends are celebrating at the tower, a place she once called home, and she can’t be there without having to face the glares from people she once called family.

“If you’re not going. I’m not going.” Wanda says. Before Darya could argue further, Wanda settles back on the couch and nestles her head on Darya’s shoulder. Darya takes in a shaky breath. She hides it by taking a sip on her hot chocolate.

* * *

 

_December 25, 2015  Almost midnight_

Even though Wanda suggested that they should wait up for Santa Claus, she was the first one to fall asleep.

She pressed her scarlet lips against both Bucky’s lips as she goes to collapse on the couch with a full stomach.

“Thank you.” She said, “Merry Christmas.” Bucky tried to hide his blush but Darya wrapped his arms around his neck. She hugged him from behind.

“That was a great dinner dad.” Darya said. Tears started to spill from Bucky’s cheeks.

“Don’t thank me. Thank Martha Stewart.” He said but his laugh turned wet as his shoulders shook. Pietro had already collected the empty plates and he looked at Darya, gave her a nod, and walked out.

She consoled her father. She felt the sting of her own tears. She didn’t believe it herself. Their first Christmas together, finally free. She knelt down on the ground and her father held her close. He brought her up and settled her on his lap. For a moment, his grip was too tight, his metal arm wrapped around her waist, as if she would disappear if he let her go.

“Dad.” Darya said. “I need to breathe.” She let out a laugh and wiped the tears out of her eyes. Bucky let his grip go slack but he brought Darya’s face closer and kissed her forehead.

“Oh Darya. You don’t know how many decades I waited for this.” He said.

“I know dad. I know.” Bucky cradled her for a moment longer before he took a deep breath and steadied her. She stood up and handed him his own cup of hot cocoa.

“Go on. I’ll take care of the dishes. You go out there and be festive. No more waterworks.” Bucky took a big gulp of his hot cocoa and went out of the kitchen. Outside the room she heard Wanda and Pietro forcing Bucky to sing a Christmas Carol for them. She laughed hearing her father stumble through the lyrics of Santa Baby.

It only takes two hours for Wanda to say that she’s just taking a nap, yet they could tell by her snoring, that she isn’t up for an all-nighter.

Bucky decided that it was time for them to go to bed. Although all of them were grateful for the holiday, they weren’t as festive as Wanda. Pietro followed suit. When everything was settled down, Bucky greets Darya Merry Christmas and went to his room. Yet, she saw him fish his phone out of his pocket. She knows who he’s calling. In fact, she was surprised that she didn’t show up. She wasn’t invited but… Darya guessed that Natasha respected that she wasn’t ready.

Darya hasn’t slept at all. She managed to put all the dishes on the washer and make sure that everything is lock and secure. Darya fiddles on her phone. There aren’t any messages. She doesn’t know if she’ll be getting any. She hasn’t changed her number. It’s still the same when she was still Darcy.

She looks over the clock, eleven fifty-one. Almost Christmas. A part of her is excited for Christmas morning. She has given them good gifts. She can’t wait to see Wanda’s face.

Darya lies on her side, facing the wall. The phone is still on her hand. She doesn’t know what to expect. She wishes that someone would text her, just for some reassurance.

Jane? When they had no chance to talk once Maria swept her under the rug and made her undergo intense training.

Steve? He’s probably still confused. Hell, she’s still confused. They need time. She knows it.

Her mother? Well…

Darya could hear a car speeding along the street. It’s engine revving. She closes her eyes, trying to even her breathing. She’s almost asleep when an alarm starts to blare.

“What the fuck?!” Pietro moans against his pillow. Darya sits up, trying to locate the sound of what seems like a dog barking. She fishes around the top bunk until she finds Wanda’s phone. Wanda is still asleep. She stops the alarm and the room is silent again. Pietro mumbles his thanks but Darya could hear something else. She hears footsteps on the roof.

Darya’s senses are on high alert. She opens her nightstand and takes out her trusted Taser. She feels eyes on her and sees that Pietro is staring at her.

“Go back to sleep, Pietro.” She whispers. He’s still staring between her and her Taser.

“Yeah right.” He sits up and rubs his eyes. “C’mon let’s go.” Even as Darya wanted him to go lie down and go back to sleep, she smiles at Pietro, warmed by the fact that he’s willing to follow her wherever she goes.

“It’s probably nothing, Pietro.” He raises his hands over his head and stretches. He rolls his neck and his joints pop. “I’m probably just paranoid.” she says one last effort to ease him back to bed.

“Well, I’ve learned to trust your paranoia.”

“Don’t enable me, Speedy.”

“Then stop calling me Speedy.”

“In your dreams.” Pietro is already out and about when she nods to his sister. “What about Wanda?”

“Let her sleep. The worst thing to wake up to on Christmas morning is a hole in our wall.” Darya agrees and takes the lead. She hears a thump on the roof and she spares a glance with Pietro.

She opens the door and she sees her father on the hallway. Instead of a Taser, he has a gun.

“Overdramatic much?” She whispers at him but he shrugs his shoulders. Darya still takes the lead and the three, armed and ready, head down to the living room in their pajamas.

The thuds and mutters are louder now. If it were an assassin or a break in, it’s the lousiest one yet. Darya looks at her father but his gun is still aimed. Pietro calls their attention and points at where the chimney meets the ceiling.

“Santa Claus?” He asks. Darya looks at the fireplace and sees that there is only gray ash. She takes out the metal tray for the firewood. Then there’s a loud shout and a rumble. Dust starts to rain down.

“Get back!” Bucky pulls Darya by the shirt collar and she lands on her ass. The fireplace bursts into a cloud of dust and ash. Pietro starts to run, dispersing the air and turning on the fans. She was about to unleash her taser when the dust settles and she sees him carrying a burlap sack and donning a red and white outfit.

“Clint!” Wanda calls out from the stairs and starts running.

“Merry Christmas! HO! HO! HO!’ Clint bellows. Darya gets up and shoves him.

“What made you think that breaking and entering a house was a great idea, birdbrain?!” Darya shouts. She looks at her father and sees that he’s already let the gun down. She looks back at Clint and sees his eyes on the gun as well.

“I wanted to surprise you all. Told you that I wanted to make this Christmas special.” He heaves the sack over and places it on the couch. She cringes as it trails dust.

“I come bearing gifts!”

It takes an hour for everyone (except Wanda) to stop glaring at Clint and an hour and a half for him to actually apologize.

“Look, I know. I know. I should’ve told you but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“Because we all love surprises.” Bucky comments.

“I’m sorry Mr. Barnes.” Clint says, looking like a child being scolded.

“Mr. Barnes!” Darya starts laughing.

“I need a drink.” He stumbles to the kitchen.

“And a happy new year.” Clint grumbles.

“You did surprise everyone Clint.” Wanda says.

“Et tu Brute?” He clutches his heart.

“I appreciate the gesture.” Wanda says with reddening cheeks. “But you know this house.” She runs her gaze to Pietro, sitting down and massaging his temples. Darya rests her hand on his shoulder before going off to the kitchen.

“The fear runs deep.” Clint grabs her hand.

“I’m sorry.” He says. Wanda looks up at his eyes and she smiles, seeing how genuine they all were. She takes a deep breath, grateful that he didn’t do this drunk.

“Merry Christmas, Clint.” She kisses his cheek, but he moves and her lips caress the sides of his mouth. He gives her this shit eating grin from ear to ear.

“Merry Christmas, Wanda.” He presses his lips on her knuckles and Wanda’s stomach flip flops. “You too Pietro.”

* * *

 

_Christmas Morning_

“Merry Christmas!” Darya says, spreading packaging peanuts in the air like confetti. It’s the aftermath of their gift giving. Bucky has fed them some chicken leftovers and blueberry pancakes. Clint left at two in the morning. Wanda wanted him to stay but she could sense Pietro’s apprehension.

Clint refused Wanda, saying that the others were looking for him. He bounced after, carrying his empty sack and still wearing his Santa Claus get up, sans white wig and beard.

Darya received a simple silver bracelet from Pietro, she wonders where he got the money but she thanked him and kissed him on the cheek.

Darya goes to Wanda’s gift next, she opens it, tearing the gingerbread cookie designed gift wrapper away. She opens a box and she starts giggling once she sees the red loose knit sweater. On it was an image of embroidered horses prancing. Then on the edges were tiny snowmen that look to be dancing.

“That’s an ugly sweater.” Pietro says.

“Exactly! I love it!” Darya puts the sweater close to her chest and pulls Wanda into a hug. “You know me so well.” She puts the sweater on and its comfy and warm and embarrassing at the same time. Beautiful.

She reaches over for her father’s gift which looked to be the biggest box of them all. Darya shakes it, pressing her ear against the side.

“I can’t make it out.” Darya says.

“Then open it.” Bucky says, smirking against his coffee cup. Darya tears away at the wrapping paper and opens the box. She gasps when she finds another wrapped box inside of it.

“Dad!” She says, when the twins start laughing. Darya opens it and finds another box. She grumbles and pouts.

“Work for it, Iapochka.” Her father teases before walking over to her and press a kiss on the top of her head. “It would be worth it.”

It’s only until she gets to the sixth box that she finds their letter. It says, in neat handwriting,

_Iapochka,_

_Merry Christmas!_

_It’s not a new apartment but we thought it’s a great place for you to find your peace._

_Love,_

_Mom and Dad_

Darya looks up at her father and he nods his head. She sets down the letter and finds a single key. She places it in her hands and looks at it.

“You bought her a new apartment?” Pietro asks.

“You’re moving out?!” Wanda asks, louder and more frantic.

Darya shakes her head but there are still no words she could say. Her father smiles at her.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

Before Darya could reply there’s a knock on the door. The four face each other, asking a silent question.

“I’ll get it.” Wanda says standing, knowing that everyone’s still a little frazzled by Clint’s stunt. Speaking of Clint, Darya grabs the gifts he brought for her. It’s not that much, just two medium sized boxes and cards. Regardless, she was grateful. She takes Clint’s in her hands and opens it. She laughs when she realizes the battery pack.

_For your tazer. – C_

Her tazer is rechargeable but the wear and tear for the past few months has weathered it down. She can’t just walk up to Target and buy new batteries. Stark modified it himself, requiring a special battery pack. She can’t bring herself to ask for a new one. She thought that she would let it die and just replace it.

“What’s that?” Pietro asks.

“It’s for my tazer.” Darya says, setting it aside.

Wanda walks in but it’s not Clint walking behind her. It’s a woman with raven black hair and steely eyes that could shoot daggers.

“Jones!” Bucky stands to greet her. Darya jumps up, leaving torn wrapping paper in her wake.

“Hello James. Darya.” She greets. “Merry Christmas!” It’s strange for Darya because she’s never seen Jessica this…cheerful. A Christmas miracle indeed.

“How d’you find us?” Darya asks thinking that the last time they saw her, they were still in hiding. They haven’t had any contact since.

“Of course you’d be the first to ask.” Jessica jokes. “Saw you looking up trees up in Astoria.”

“What were you doing in Astoria?” James asked.

“Friend of mine wanting to go tree shopping.”

“You have friends?” James teases her and Jessica smacks him in the arm. She hit his metal arm and she winces. The three of them laugh.

“Hey, then what are you guys?” She gives them both two boxes wrapped in red and green striped boxes.

“Aw.” Darya coos. “This makes up for stalking us.” She goes in for a hug and Darya is actually surprised when Jessica pulls her in. She doesn’t smell like whisky. That’s new. In fact, she smells like spearmint.

“How was I supposed to find out where you lived? Don’t worry. I’m the only one who knows.” Darya rolls her eyes and moves to the tree and places their gifts on their respective corners. Pietro and Wanda stare at Jessica and she notices how Wanda sizes up Jessica.

“Jessica, this is…” Darya moves to introduce them but Jessica raises her hands up.

“The less I know, the better.” Pietro blanches and Wanda actually scowls.

“That’s good to hear.” Bucky says and wraps an arm around her shoulders. “Stay for a while. I miss drinking with you.” Wanda’s scowl deepen.

“Alert the presses.” Jessica says. Then she unwraps Bucky’s arm. “Sorry but I’m not staying for long. I told you, got some friends waiting for me.” She grabs the keys from her pocket, her signal that she’s ready to go.

“Well, at least let us give you something. In the spirit and all.” Darya trails to the kitchen and Wanda follows.

“Where did you put the good scotch?” Darya asks.

“Why?” Wanda says, leaning against the doorframe. Darya opens the top cabinet and sees it.

“Ah. There it is.” She grabs it and starts opening drawers looking for the ribbons and tape. Wanda sighs and crosses to her. She goes to the edge of the cabinets and gets an already made bow and some tape. She sticks it on the bottle.

“Here.” she says.

“Thanks Wanda.” Darya walks out and hides the bottle behind her back. Jessica and Bucky are arguing about where’s the best place to get burgers in the city when she walks in.

“Merry Christmas!” She brings out the bottle. Jessica starts laughing, accepting the bottle.

“Of course.” Jessica tucks the bottle under her arm and starts walking. “I should be going then. Hope I’ll never see you again.” She says. That has always been her goodbye but she’s always the one that bumps into them.

“Likewise.” Darya says, closing the door.

* * *

 

_December 26, 2015._

_Undisclosed location, New York City._

Darya places her knapsack on top of a velvet ottoman and sits down on a lush lounge chair.  She looks around the dance studio her parents made for her. That was what the key was for. She had one, so do her parents.

_“But that’s only for emergencies, Darya. This place is all yours if home gets a little too crowded.” Bucky says. He wrapped his arm around Natasha then. She’s never seen her mother so awkward but she couldn’t blame her. She hasn’t spoken to her ever since. She still refuses to. Every time she sees her mother, she can’t help but feel this spark of anger. Most days she could tamper it out but there are times where bitterness ran through her veins like hot lead._

_“We’ll leave you to explore.” Bucky say and Natasha nods. Darya could see the longing in her mother’s eyes. It made her look older, like a wilting rose._

_“Mom.” She says, her voice almost a whisper. Natasha looks at her. “Thank you.” Natasha smiles at her and Darya runs to her arms. Natasha squeals on the contact but quickly her arms wrap around Darya. Natasha kisses the top of Darya’s head. For a moment they stay like that until Darya steps back and withdraws, crosses her arms around her waist, eyes trained on the floor._

_“We’ll come back for you.” Natasha says, but her voice is rough. They walk away and when the door finally closed, Darya let the tears fall._

“Shit.” She says, sliding her back down the chair. She takes the knapsack and plops it into her lap. First she takes out the Christmas cards from Jane, Thor, and Bruce.

_Hello Darya,_

_Thanks for giving me my space for the past few weeks. Thor has been helping me a lot trying to see things in your perspective. I do hope that we could have the chance to talk about it. I miss my friend and I’m not mad at her anymore._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Jane._

_P.S. Darya sounds so much sexier than Darcy haha_

_P.P.S If spying doesn’t work out for you please come back here at the lab, how can I function without you?_

It was written behind a Christmas postcard. The image was a cartoon snowwoman with big tits and curves. Written on it was a large YOU in marker.

Darya smiles and places it on the coffee table in front of her. The room was actually divided. It had a dance space, where on the other wall was floor to ceiling mirrors. The wall adjacent to it had a rung where she can hold on to for stretches. The floor was wooden and varnished in such a way that it shines.

On the other side was a pseudo-living space. There was a coffee table and a lounge chair. Then there’s big brown couch with a pull out bed. On the far corner was a mini fridge.

Darya rummages through the sack and gets a beautiful and intricately designed card. It depicts a scene from the nativity.

            _Lady Darya!_

_Merry birth of your Jesus!!!_

_I miss you terribly._

_Thor Odinson, Son of Odin, Prince of Asgard, God of Thunder and –_

The rest of the cards are just a list of all the titles Thor holds. Darya rolls her eyes, trying to stop her heart from swelling up. She takes off her scarf. The cloth tugging too close into her skin. She takes a deep breath. She grabs the only card left. It’s a generic hallmark card. She saw the same one when they were perusing the aisles for red stocking.

            _Dear Darya._

_Merry Christmas. You still have a friend in me._

_Bruce. + TONY_

The first time Darya read it, tears sprung to her eyes and Pietro was concerned. Darya shook her head, reading Stark’s name signed in speedy handwriting. She thinks that Bruce bought it for her and Tony decided to just piggyback.

She places the card on the table with shaking hands. After that there was nothing else but an intricate antique box. It fits in her hands and it isn’t that heavy. She takes a deep breath.

It’s Steve’s gift.

_“I helped Steve put it together.” Wanda told her. Darya fidgets the oval locket in her hands. It was gold plated, with copper filigree in the edges. It dangles from a thin gold chain._

_“He dabbles in photography. Ever since he managed to figure out the camera on his phone.” Darya opens it and sees that it’s empty. Inside there was six pictures, tailored to fit the size of the locket._

_“Who gave him the idea?” Darya says looking at a picture of her father. His smile was wide and his eyes are warm and inviting._

_“It was his idea. Everyone was just there to help.” She smiles, leaving their bedroom. Darya looks at the small pictures. There’s a solo of her mother, she’s smiling, her lips curling and her eyes boring into Darya. There’s a solo of Wanda and Pietro. The soft light hitting their faces, highlighting their grins. There’s a picture of Natasha and Bucky. His arm is around her waist and her head is leaning against his shoulder. Pietro’s arm is around Wanda’s shoulders and they look at each other laughing. She looks at the box’ interior for any secret pockets but there aren’t any. She smiles, arranging the different photos._

Darya places the necklace around her neck. It is weightless but she could feel the cool metal on her skin. She sighs back onto chair. She fishes out her phone and presses a number. With all the surprises this Christmas, why not one more miracle.

She places the receiver to her ear and it only takes two rings before she could hear his voice.

“Hello?” he huffs out as if he didn’t know it was real.

“Hey, Steve.” She runs her hand through her hair and crouches forward, her elbows resting on her knees.

“Merry Christmas.” He says.

“Merry Christmas.” Darya starts to laugh, trying to expel the nervousness clouding her lungs.

“I got your gift.” She says. “Thank you.” Darya starts to beat herself up when Steve doesn’t respond. She should’ve just waited when she could pass by the hallway or when he comes to visit her father. She shouldn’t have called him. This was a mistake.

“Your welcome.” He pipes up. “Do you like it?”

“Of course I would love it. It’s…” Darya starts to fiddle with the locket. “It’s very thoughtful of you.” Darya could imagine Steve. It’s five pm and he’s probably watch the sun set over the city skyline in his rooms. He always loved those big windows overlooking the city.

“Wanda and I were gift shopping.” Steve says. Of course, Darya thought. “I managed to drag her into an antique shop.” Steve takes the bulk of the conversation. Darya found herself, leaning back. It was as if they were back to old times. She twirls the locket in her fingers as he tells his story.

“It was so beautiful. There were old paintings on display. They were cheap too. There was an old poster made by Andrew Loomis himself. I was glad that the clerk didn’t know who he was. I was able to barter for it.” Darya laughs with him, warmth flowing into her veins like fresh honey.

“Then I saw the locket. It didn’t come with a box so I bought it too.”

“Where’d you get these pictures? They’re wonderful. I’ve never seen my father smile like this in a long while.”

“Bought myself a camera. Don’t tell Tony but the cameras on his phones are crap.” He mock whispers into the phone.

“Don’t worry. I’m good at keeping secrets.”

“Yeah. I know.” She doesn’t hear any malice in his voice but his words unsettle her. The gnawing feeling in the back of her mind is back again and she’s grateful that Steve can’t see her lips twist in disgust.

“You still there?” he asks. Darya flounders.

“Yeah. I just… I got distracted.”

“Am I keeping you from something?” He says, worried.

“No.” Darya snorts. “Nonononono. I was just…” Darya stammers and he could hear Steve chuckle. “Don’t hang up.”

“I won’t.” God, the smooth timbre of his voice is enough to make her heart skyrocket. She smiles.

“Am I distracting you?” She asks. He laughs again. Oh she miss hearing him laugh.

“Yeah but it’s a welcome distraction. Wanda’s here and she’s challenging Pietro if he could catch Clint’s arrows in midair.” Darya smiles, imagining the scene.

“I heard that you got a visit from Santa Claus during Christmas Eve.” Darya rolls her eyes.

“Clint is such a piece of shit.” She grumbles. “Who thought that it was a great idea to sneak up on us? He’s glad that my father didn’t shoot him on the spot.”

“Yeah, he disappeared when the party died down. We were looking for him actually. The party is always better once Tony’s social climber friends leave the building.” Darya could see Steve roll his eyes at the statement. He never liked Tony’s parties. She did too, but she never really had the social leverage to be a part of one, even as Darcy Lewis. Yes, Tony invited her but she always make it a point to schedule a Netflix binge on the night.

When Steve and her were dating, he clung to her side and follow her anywhere as the others mingled. Her presence warded off the women since his arm around her waist sent the message it needed.

The women who approached him, unbothered by the presence of the woman in his arms, ignored her completely. They would make small talk and introduce themselves. Steve would try to get her name out there but they never really cared. Darya never complained. Eventually, the mysterious woman in every gossip paper in New York died down when they broke up.

“You always made it better for me.” Steve says. Darya swallows. Realizing what he said, he started to stumble on his words. “Anyway,” he says, taking a deep breath. “I’m really glad that you like my gift.”

“Well you have me at a disadvantage Rogers.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think I have anything to give to you.” To be honest, Darya wrapped her head around whether or not she could give him anything. She decided not to, ignoring Wanda’s disappointed stare. It was a double whammy when her father gave her the same look.

_“I don’t owe him anything._ ” She said to him. Maybe they were just biased, knowing that they were a part of his gift to her.

Still, the statement still stands.

“This phone call is enough.” Steve says. “Merry Christmas, Darya.” Steve says her name and her skin starts to tingle. God damn it. She thinks she has this newfound kink. Steve saying her real name that way, deep and husky, keeps replaying in her mind.

“Merry Christmas, Steve.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I miss you all. 
> 
> I just want to ask. Are there still people who still cares about this story? It's just that there's not a lot of comments or bookmarks. I mean, I don't want to be that author that's like "If this doesn't get twenty comments I won't post." I won't hostage chapters like that. I just wanted to know if there are still people that want to see how the story unfolds. I don't know guys. Comments mean a lot to me. 
> 
> To those reading this, I love you and this is for you.


	3. Somewhere Only We Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda bursts into the room saying she can't find Darya anywhere.

Wanda comes in, calling out to James. Her voice is a panicked shrill that rings around the room. Steve turns his head to look at her.

“What is it?” Bucky stands, walking towards her, arms open. Wanda puts her hands on her face muttering.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it. I…”

“What’s happened? Wanda.” James puts his metal arm on her shoulder. Steve’s is standing too, turning off the tv and crossing the room towards her.

“It’s Darya.” Steve could feel every muscle in Bucky tense. His jaw sets. Suddenly Steve’s mind, goes for a dive. What could possibly happen to Darya for Wanda to panic this bad?

Steve assumes the worst.

“What happened?” Bucky asks.

Steve’s assumptions were right.

“We were fighting. I … She… I said the wrong thing and I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Wanda keeps muttering. Bucky takes a step back and even Steve puts himself between him and her. He knows that Bucky wouldn’t hurt Wanda but he knows that rage clouds him. Especially when it came to his daughter.

“What happened, Wanda?” Steve asks as Bucky remains silent.

“We were fighting.” She says again. She manages to pry her hands out of her eyes and they are red with tears. “We said bad things and one thing led to another and I…” Steve watches as Wanda chokes back another round of sobbing. Her mouth opens but she shuts it and takes a deep breath.

“I yelled at her. She yelled back. Then I told her… I told her she was nothing but a failed experiment.”

“ _What did you just call her?”_ Bucky seethes and Steve had to grab him by the shoulders before he could charge at the girl.

 “I’m sorry. I was just… I was just so jealous!” Wanda blurts out. “She’s been going through trainings left and right and she makes it seem so easy.”

“She’s been doing this her whole life Wanda. Of course she it would be easy for her.”

“Well I’m tired! I’m tired of hearing, ‘Ooh Darya this and Darya that.’ or ‘Daughter of the Asset and the Black Widow how impressive.”

“This is not a competition.”

“Well it feels like it!”

“What happened after?”

“She went silent. She just looked at me like, like you are right now.” Steve turns just in time for Bucky’s jaw to slack and the fire in his eyes mellowed out. He looks away, hands balling up.

“She left.” Wanda says. “I don’t know where she went.”

“When?”

“We fought three hours ago.”

“And you didn’t think of telling us?!”

“I thought she would be here! I didn’t think that she would be triggered.”

“You didn’t think! Of course she would be triggered. Do you know how many years we –

Bucky takes a deep breath and groans.

“Don’t tell Maria.” He stalks off with Steve treading behind him. Wanda wanted to follow but he lifts his hand, stopping her.

“I think you should back away for a while. Bucky’s furious.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Steve catches up to Bucky.

* * *

 

“Stay in the car.” Bucky says. Natasha has joined them now, panicking in her silence.

“Why?” She asks. Steve watches her profile from the back seat. “She’s my daughter too.” She says.

“I know that.” Bucky hisses. He gets more agitated with each passing minute. “But…”

“But what?”

“I don’t think she’ll react better with you.”

Steve watches Natasha hide the heartbreak on her face.

“And she’ll be better with you?”

“Yes.” Bucky replies point blank.

“Just come for me if you hear gunshots.”

When Bucky disappeared behind the door, Natasha opens the passenger seat.

“Fuck it.” She mutters and Steve follows after her.

They start up the stairs until they see Bucky pounding his fist on a door.

“Jones! You better open this fucking door or I will bust it open.” Steve doesn’t recall a Jones. Bucky has never mentioned a Jones before. If this was their hideout then why would it be occupied? Steve wanted to call out to Bucky but Natasha pressed her fingers on his lips.

Suddenly, the door opens and a woman with crow black hair and wide eyes stepped out.

“What?” She seethed. She’s not much of a warm welcome.

“Is Darya here?” he asks. So she knows about Darya. Did she help them with their hiding? Steve didn’t know that they needed help in the first place.

“No.” The woman says.

“Jessica, don’t lie to me.” Bucky takes a step closer and the woman’s back bumps against the wall. It was Steve’s turn to restrain Natasha. She wrestles under his grip but if Bucky saw them, they’ll be toast.

“I’m not lying.” She says through gritted teeth. She cranes her neck to look him in the eye and the tension is bubbling between them. Bucky takes a step back and runs his hands through his hair.

“What happened?” Jessica says, softer now, but her arms are crossed over her chest.

“Just…look out for her okay? Tell me if you see her.” Bucky says and he starts walking back to the staircase. Steve ought to move but Natasha is still watching them.

“James.” The woman, Jessica, calls out to him. She grabs his metal hand and he turns. Steve could hear Natasha’s gasp and they hide behind the staircase but it’s too late. He saw them.

“Stay safe out there.” They hear the woman’s voice. “I’ve heard a lot of things and they aren’t pretty.”

“Thanks.” James says and they hear footsteps. They started going down the staircase even though it was already useless at this point. They hear Jessica call out to him again and his footsteps stop. Natasha wanted to hear the rest of the conversation but Steve already grabbed her wrist and leaded her back into the car.

They waited a full two minutes before James reappeared and sat on the driver’s seat. He doesn’t mention anything about what happened and so does Natasha.

That night, Wanda and Pietro slept over at the tower. They don’t tell them why. Only that Natasha was there when they left.

* * *

Steve didn’t need to ask.

Wanda was already in a mood, constantly fidgeting. She will never go anywhere without her phone, hoping that Darya would call her.

“What happens when Darya gets triggered?” Steve asks. His mind went back to the time when Darya was still Darcy. He remembers comforting her right after a nightmare. He remembers when he was the one who had to hold her when she felt like the room was too cold and numb.

“I don’t know. She… This isn’t the first time she disappeared. When she was still Darcy, she always went about. Probably to check up on Bucky.” Wanda says, taking a few sips of her spicy hot chocolate.

“But she always came back. She always sent a text if she was running late.”

“Things are different now.” Steve says. “Doesn’t she know that she can ask for help?”

“Where would she go Steve?” Wanda says. “She doesn’t feel like anyone trusts her anymore. I was the one who hurt her. Pietro doesn’t understand her that intimately. She still hates her mother.”

“Bucky then. If no one else.” Wanda gulps down the rest of her drink.

“But what I said to her brought her back to a different time.” Wanda says, having a few hours to think of what has happened. “Who would she turn to, when she felt like she wasn’t wanted?”

 

* * *

 

The next day, Maria was furious to find out that Darya could probably be out there without doing God knows what.

“How did Darya find you when you were triggered?” A doctor asks. He pushes his glasses up his beak like nose.

Bucky shifts from foot to foot. He’s standing near the door, probably ready to tuck his tail and run. Steve thinks that his best friend is braver than that, even when the room dropped a few degrees with the way Natasha is glaring at him from the other side.

“It’s HYDRA’s failsafe. One last thing they planted in our minds.” He admits. “Didn’t Darya explain the first time around?” He asks.

“Refresh our memories.” Maria says. Bucky shrugs his shoulders.

“When we are triggered, synapses fire in our brain and sometimes old instincts kick in. When we get snapped back, we…” Bucky trails off. “We go to the safehouses that we remember. I was hiding out in a bunker in DC when she decided to stalk me.”

“Do you know any of the safehouses she would’ve gone to?” Maria asks him. Bucky shook his head and it hung from his shoulders.

Bucky looks up, eyes dejected.

“No.”

But Steve does, he thinks. He’s not sure. So he keeps quiet, the last thing he needs is to give them false hope.

* * *

It’s safe for Pietro and Wanda to go home but they would rather stay in the tower for another night. Pietro tells him that it’s because Darya might come home and they don’t want to be part of the reunion.

Plus, Wanda is still stewing the guilt of causing all of this.

So they both crash. Tony doesn’t mind anymore. Pietro’s grown on him, always asking him incessant questions about the things he builds. Tony would always try to swat him away but he’s too fast for Tony to land a hit.

Pietro disappears to Tony’s lab saying that he’s useful in giving Tony’s tools faster than his robots. Steve finds a little joy in it, seeing as someone is able to keep up with the scientist.

Wanda has disappeared into Clint’s apartment.

Steve doesn’t want to know.

So he takes his sweatshirt and shrugs it on. Steve knows that Natasha is off somewhere. Jane and Thor are actually at Asgard and they are yet to be informed of this crisis.

He doesn’t want to be there when it happens but he has a feeling that he’s the one who has to tell them, regardless of the status of Jane and Darya’s friendship. Honestly, he wishes Jane would grow a pair and actually talk to Darya rather than to ask him all the time. But that’s Steve’s opinion and he’s learned to keep it to himself.

Steve sighs as he grabs the keys to his motorcycle.

He opens a closet and packs a few things in his backpack. A comforter. A fire starter. A couple of sandwiches he made. A few other bits and bobs.

He goes to the elevator and presses the button towards the garage.

“Where are you going Captain?” the AI asks. Despite himself, Steve looks up, even though there is no face to answer to.

“Out.” He says.

“Should I alert Mr. Barnes?” JARVIS asks. Steve shakes his head. He swears the AI can read his mind or is he really that predictable?

“No.”  He says. He watches the buttons light up as the elevator descends. He adjusts his grip on the straps of his backpack. He doesn’t really know if she’s really there. He hopes so.

Steve doesn’t think he could bear the thought of anything happening to her. His mind nosedives to situations that make his heart stutter. Darya relapsing. Darya going back to HYDRA. Darya being forced to fight them. Bucky begging Darya to remember him. Steve fighting Darya.

He stares at the open doors before he realizes that he’s reached the garage. He takes a step forward as the lights turn on automatically.

“Bring her back safe Captain.” The AI says.

“Will do.” he replies and walks to his motorcycle hoping to anyone listening that he’s right.

 

* * *

 

The destination is still as butt numbing as he remembers but at least he remembers. He was so caught up with the feel of her that night. The heat of her body, the smell of her shampoo, and the cloud of mystery that hung around her. He never really understood the rollercoaster of a relationship they had. Everything was about the now. The present. Cold lips on hot skin. Heavy words on ears not ready to hear it. Hearts dancing to a beat that was too fast.

Steve tightens his grip on the handles when the road gets too bumpy.

_Do you trust me?_ Darya kept asking him and he did. He did because why not? She’s there. He’s there. They want each other. Wasn’t that enough?

He did, for all the wrong reasons.

Does he trust her now? Does he trust himself? He doesn’t know what’s worse. To find her there, waiting to fight him, or to find the warehouse empty and she really is gone.

Steve revs the engine and it fills the forest. He sees a dot of orange in the distance and it grows as he gets closer. He smells the smoke. A fire.

She’s here.

Steve parks the motorcycle the same place she did before. He wonders how she got here. She couldn’t have done this on foot. This far from the city would have done a number on her. But she has the serum in her blood, her parents’ stubbornness too. She would make it.

He opens the door and it shrieks on its hinges. Way to make an entrance. Darya will find out soon enough. The rusted staircase squeaking with every step would alert her.

The large door that he pried open, in what felt like a million years ago is open and the frigid October air seeps through his sweatshirt.

He steps out and Darya doesn’t even bother to look at him. She’s sitting on the ground, legs curled and arms hugging them. She’s staring at the roaring fire. Embers and smoke dance through the air. The crackle of the fire drowns the howling wind.

He doesn’t know if she’s sobbing or shivering. Probably both.

Steve walks, unafraid. She’s noticed him since her shoulders have stilled for a millisecond out of rhythm. He swallows the uncertainty building in his throat.

 This is reckless of him. She could be dangerous. She could be holding a gun. She could kill him right there.

Her eyes are red from crying but he doesn’t say anything about it. He sits down and he hisses at the cool cement. They look at the fire in front of them, the warmth tickling his cheeks but not enough to stop his bones from trembling.

Darya sniffles and takes a quick shaky breath.

Steve can’t bear the sight of her crying.

So he doesn’t look at her, afraid that he’ll do something stupid like hold her or wrap her in his arms. Instead, he curls up too. He tries to imagine how the orange light makes her pale skin glow. He wonders of the colors he might use to capture the contrast of the moonlight and the fire.

“So I take it that there was never a drummer ex – boyfriend.” He says and Darya barks out a laugh. He smiles. Good job Rogers.

She shakes her head, rubbing at her eyes.

“No. There wasn’t.” She says, her voice thick and wet. She sniffles again. Steve spares a glance and shit, she’s going to be sick.

Then he remembers that they never get sick.

And here he is again, dancing from question to question trying to find out what was appropriate. He grimaces, he remembers how tiring this was.

“I came here on ’01. A few months before the twin towers.” She says, still facing the fire. Steve looks at her, her eyes are still glassy, tears falling down her cheeks. He hides his hands inside his sweatshirt. The temptation to touch her is unbearable, especially with the cold.

“Thought you’d want to know.” She says. She smiles for a second but then it drops. Steve remains silent, opting to wait for her to volunteer information than prying it out of her.

“I just finished a degree in computer programming in Japan.” Steve’s brows quirk at that. “Before you ask, my Nihongo is shit.” She draws herself further inward. “Went back here because I thought it was safe. For some weird reason, I knew…” She works her lips.

“I knew this was home.” She swallows and closes her eyes. Steve takes this time to commit this image to memory. It wasn’t like those other times where he’s grappling at the ecstasy of her just being there for him. No, this was… This was the first time she’s letting him in.

Steve’s heart is so full he could combust.

“Then, I settled myself in Culver after 9/11. Might as well get another degree when I look like I’m going to be 20 something forever.” Trembling fingers run through her hair. She buries her face in the hollow between her knees and chest. Steve waits. He’s willing to wait.

“I was a floater. Earned enough money from odd jobs. Didn’t stay in one degree. Never made any friends because of who I am as a person.” She smiles, half joking to herself.

“Never really thought that this was it. I’m free. There wasn’t some grand moment with some epic soundtrack. It just…” She takes another deep breath. “The days go by and I stopped being afraid anymore. You know?”

He knows.

“The relapses would come sure. But I handled it. Cause this was it. I was free. I grieved for my parents, for a past that I could hardly remember but God, there was nothing better than a fresh start.” She holds out her open palms towards the fire, relishing in its warmth.

“So I decided to finish my PoliSci degree cause why not? I only got the computer programming degree cause I was so interested by the people at the desks. The ones who would hand me the fake passports and the ones that hack into security systems.

Then I got interested in the politics of it all. Why Russia needed the Red Room. I wanted to understand why I was needed to exist.”

Steve wonders if she would ever stop thinking of herself as an experiment. Or was she just thinking about it because of Wanda’s words? She falls silent and starts to curl again. Steve hears the sound of her teeth chattering and he takes the sweatshirt off him and offers it to her.

She stares at it with wide eyes, then at him. She takes it from him, slowly, as if he were to change his mind. But he doesn’t. He’ll brave the cold with her. Isn’t that what they do?

She puts it on and she covers her face with the fabric and takes a deep breath. The warmth pooling down to his stomach was enough for him to last a few more minutes. She blushes when she looks at him. She smiles now. Fully.

“Thanks.” She says. Steve nods, taking his bag and pulling the comforter and wrapping himself in it.

“You want to share?” He opens one end for her to crawl into, lest she accuses him of hogging the blanket again. She shakes her head and he shrugs his shoulders. 

They go back to staring at the fire, now shrinking. There’s no firewood left and he knows that it would be freezing unless they cling to each other. That’s not really an option right now.

“How’s Wanda?” She asks. Worrying her lip again. She cut it a while back, when everything was so muddled and confusing and there were twins to save and a scepter to retrieve. Things are still confusing now but it is quiet enough to work through it.

“She’s sorry. For what she’s said.” He tells her. He watches as she works out his words, the gears in her head turning.

“It’s not just what she’s said.” She tells him. Her fingers lace around each other, a fidgeting mesh of digits. “It’s… everything.” She admits.

“The training. My parents. The distrust. The constant assessment of my skills.” Her voice rises now. “Everything is so tense wherever I go and I don’t understand why Wanda keeps glaring at me. People always giving me high praises but they’re too afraid to talk to me. Dad is always telling me to be better no matter how many times I beat him. Natasha always commenting on my form. Maria keeps assessing me and keeps giving me numbers and stats and oh my god.” She presses the heels of her palm to her eyes and she rocks back and forth.

“It feels like I’m back.” She hisses. She gasps and her gasps turn into sobs. “Twenty years. Almost twenty years of running but here I am. Oh my God, will I ever escape?”

She screams onto her skin. Her voice hangs in the air and Steve’s heart breaks for her.

This is what he wanted, isn’t it? Ever since he saw the scars that mar her skin.

So he takes it. He takes her, in his arms. He crawls behind her, his legs on her sides. He pulls her flush against him. She’s so cold, even with his sweatshirt. He wraps the comforter around her. He takes her hair and sweeps it one shoulder so he could see her face, red and splotchy.

She doesn’t fight it. In fact, she leans against him and for a second Steve wanted nothing but to hide her away from everything. If they could stay in this cocoon forever they would.

He leans his forehead on where her nape meets the top of her spine. He breathes with her, hoping to calm her down.

“The worst part…” She says, her voice barely a whisper. “The worst part is that I forgot.” Steve pulls her closer, if it were possible.

“I was wandering around. I needed to be alone. I was Darya Yekmenev and it was only when I noticed my phone ringing that I remembered that my father was alive and his name was Bucky Barnes.” This causes another round of crying. Steve stays silent.

“For a solid two hours I forgot and when I remembered, I felt… I didn’t know what to feel.”

He doesn’t tell her that she’s going to be alright. He doesn’t whisper encouraging things in her ear because who was he to say these things?

There is only one thing he could do, the same thing Darya did for him. He holds her together while she falls apart. Because that’s what they do.

 

* * *

 

 

His engine hums as they make their trek back. Her arms are around his waist and she rests her cheek on his shoulder. She’s weightless against him, already exhausted everything from her bouts of crying. 

Before they could reach her doorstep she stops him.

“Pull over.” She whispers in his ear. He does.

She unwraps herself from him and steps down.

“I can drop you off …” Darya raises her hand, stopping him.

“No. You don’t wanna see what happens when I go through that door.” Steve thinks she’s right. He doesn’t want for Bucky to know that he found her and he didn’t tell him.

“Plus.” Darya tucks her tangled hair behind her ear. “I’d like for what happened to stay between us.” She says it more like a question, asking his permission.

“It’s our little secret.” He says. She smiles, it’s small but it washes all the pain of the last few weeks.

“Thank you, Steve,” she says. She starts to walk away but he reaches out his hand, grazing hers.

“Darya,” he calls. She turns with those large blue eyes. He swallows as butterflies wreak havoc in his stomach.

“If you need anything, I’m here,” He says. Her face is unreadable. She stares at him for a second too long and his heart plummets. Even after what happened last night…  
Steve looks away, his word hanging in the air.

“Thank you, Steve,” she says again. “I appreciate it.” He looks back but she’s already walking away. For some reason he’s feeling like she’s slipping away with every step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO DID SOMEONE WANT ANGST???
> 
> I'm really glad for your responses guys. It really means a lot to me knowing that I have you guys to share this with. I do want to say again that these chapters aren't in any particular order. This one takes place before the Christmas chapter. If the story reaches ten or so chapters I'll make a timeline. 
> 
> Read and review!


	4. My Eyes Are Green (Cause I Eat a Lot of Vegetables)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve isn't a jealous person. Nope. He is not.

Steve doesn’t consider himself as a jealous person. He’s loyal, kind, and on the right side of reckless that people mistake it for bravery. But most of all, he is not jealous. He tells himself that every time he sees _them._

 

He’s curled up on her lap like a dog. Her fingers run through his hair as she reads her novel. He’s tuckered out.

 

Steve isn’t jealous. He’s not jealous at all. He just wishes that it was _him_ that’s feeling her fingers on _his_ scalp. He wishes that _he_ could just walk towards her, lay on her lap and fall asleep. She would just laugh it off and start petting _him._ He wishes that it was easy for _him._

 

But Pietro doesn’t know what she’s done. He never knew the pain of her lies. 

 

Maybe that’s why he’s jealous.

 

“Steve. C’mere.” Sam beckons him over and that’s when Darya notices him.

 

He doesn’t move from his spot, damning the both of them to a staring match. Her cheeks flare up and her hands stiffen. Like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Steve wants to laugh. Does she feel guilty? Does he want her to?

 

Yes. Yes he does and he feels like it is an awful thing to do. But hey, they broke up even before she revealed herself. She hasn’t forgiven him for anything and he hasn’t. So Steve shrugs it off, even though it feels like he’s deadlifting way beyond his threshold (which says a lot), and walks to Sam.

 

Darya isn’t his and he’s starting to think she never was. Still, the desire is there. He’s not that stupid of a man to not feel her gaze on him during training in the gym. Nor does she ignores his own heated stare on her.

 

“God, the both of you just need to fuck already.” Sam mutters and Steve stops in his tracks, his cheeks an angry shade of red. He trudges forward, bumping his shoulder with Sam’s and he hates hearing his laugh trail across the hallway.

 

* * *

 

They’re finally moving out of the tower. Steve doesn’t know how to feel about this. One side grateful, _relieved_ cause he’ll finally have the breathing space to actually process everything that’s happened. The other is green with envy. He understands why jealousy is green. It’s acid in your stomach gnawing at it’s walls, making you clench your teeth and ball your fists.

 

Everyone is so excited for the move. Apparently, Natasha has arranged a place for the four of them. Maria agreed to it, all so they can finally take a breath.

 

“Are you sure you’re not just going to stay with Clint?” Pietro says, his thick accent makes his words more jumbled, adding to that with the pace of his own mouth moving.

 

They’re in the common room again. Always in the common room. Maybe because it’s the perfect halfway point of the building. It’s the closest to the rooms, the labs, the gyms, and the offices.  So it makes sense.

 

But do they really have to do this here? First of all, why is Steve here in the first place?

 

Because everyone knows this is the common room.

 

Darya’s legs are on his lap and Steve doesn’t look as his hands rest on her knees. Steve focuses on glaring at anything but at the trio.

 

“I want my own place.” Wanda says.

 

“It’s not your own place. You’ll be sharing a room with me and Pietro.” It’s weird how Steve never noticed how _Russian_ Darya sounds, especially with the way he said the boy’s name. Maybe she was hiding it all along. Darya is the best liar of them all.

 

“Yeah but the four of us. We’re… you know.” Wanda mutters. Darya nods her head in understanding and even Pietro is rendered quiet.

 

“It’s a small house.” Darya says again. “So no powers. That means no blowing stuff up and no running and breaking everything.” Darya pinches Pietro’s cheeks and he groans, shying away from her.

 

“Yes mom.” The two of them grumble, one part sarcastic and one part in acquiesce.

 

Steve hides his smile in his cup’a joe.

 

* * *

 

 

“So that’s her huh?” Steve looks to his side and sees Sharon, fresh from DC. “The Asset’s daughter.” She says in greeting.

 

Darya’s sparring today. Clint demanded a rematch. Darya relented. Everyone’s casting bets. Everyone is betting on Darya. Steve abstained (even though he knows that he’ll bet on her every time).  Wanda and Natasha spared twenty dollars each just to uplift Clint’s ego.

 

 _“I knew that I’m still your favorite American ‘Tasha.”_ Earning Natasha a kiss on the cheek before he walks away. Steve notices that way Bucky bristles at the gesture. Natasha rolled her eyes, muttering about men.

 

Steve watches as the two of them spar, no holds barred. In the moment, where legs are swinging and kicking, Darya _is_ the Asset’s daughter. She moves across the mat as if she’s dancing on air. She looks like she’s dancing rather than fighting. Her face is impassive, save for the occasional grimace, but she has power. He can see her muscles flex as she punches, missing Clint’s face by an inch.

 

“Cool it tiger,” she says, laughing. “Or you’ll distract her.” Sharon pats his shoulder. He rolls his eyes, trying to tamp down the heat creeping up his neck. Is the AC broken? Why is the room heating up?

 

Clint tries a kick and Darya bends over backwards to dodge. Someone lets out a whistle at her flexibility. Steve’s mouth dries at the sight.

 

Darya spares a glance at her audience and her eyes land on Sharon and then it lands on him.

 

Sharon isn’t lying on top of him on a sofa, nor is she even touching him, but her presence here, standing beside Steve is enough. Clint notices that one second lag. Everyone does, and she doubles back when Clint lands a punch to her face.

 

Darya recovers and fights back, with double the force.

 

Clint is on the ground in a matter of minutes. His palm slaps on the mat until Darya releases his arms, twisting behind his back. Tony starts collecting his money and Steve realizes how the audiences have almost doubled in size with agents and secretaries.

 

“Show’s over.” Maria says, handing her money to Tony’s open palm. The agents file out, whispering amongst themselves. Clint crawls out to Wanda and she gives him a spitbucket. Pietro winces at Wanda’s affection.

 

Darya is still hovering in the mat, not sure where to go. Her eyes are at anything but at him – no, _them_.

 

“Hey Frostbite.” Sharon starts to call, rolling her shoulders. “You up for another round?” She walks to the mat, stunning everyone, even Darya.

 

Does Sharon have a death wish?

 

By the end of the match, almost all SHIELD employees are casting their bets and Tony had to wrangle Banner into helping him.

 

 

* * *

 

“Shit, Steve.” Sharon hisses as Steve places ice on her cheek.

 

“Language.” he clicks his tongue. He grabs another ice pack for her side.

 

“Yeah well, be careful would you? A girl’s a little sore.” She sighs as her hands dip onto the bowl of ice.

 

“Well, you wanted it anyway.” He says. Sharon’s laughs but then grimaces from the pain. “You should get that checked.”

 

“I know what a broken rib feels like Steve.” Sharon dismisses him. “Trust me. I’m fine.”

 

They are quiet for a while, in his apartment. God knows what would happen if Darya saw them like this, standing too close, nursing her wounds. The wounds she inflicted. He can’t let her assume the worst. She probably has anyway. When the last time she saw Sharon was when she opened his door and they flied to Peggy a few hours later.

 

God, he’s so stupid.

 

“She held back.” Sharon says, startling the companionable silence. “I know she did.”

 

“Yeah, well you’re just lucky you survived.” Steve says. What was Sharon thinking? It was worse for him than it was for her. Well, not really but he could practically feel all eyes were also on him rather than the two. He refused to cast a bet. He knew Sharon was just as ruthless in combat. She could handle herself with Darya.

 

He just can’t handle the teasing. Somewhere in the back he could hear the agents just snickering like a bunch of schoolboys. Some whisper that Steve must be the luckiest guy on earth to have his exes battle it out on the training mat.

 

Bucky had to face the audience dead in the eye for a solid five minutes before the men shut up. What a protective father. Natasha isn’t better, because the minute the match is over and Darya walks off (with Pietro trailing happily behind her and it doesn’t bother Steve, it doesn’t bother him; not one bit) she walks to the crowd and grabs every agent’s ID tag, memorizing names.

 

The gym emptied in less than five minutes.

 

“She wouldn’t hurt me Steve.” He stares taps a finger on her bruise. She winces. “You know what I mean. Also fuck you.”

 

“You guys are going to be alright.” She says and Steve lets out a frustrated huff, leaning against his chair.

 

“Can all of you just quit it? Why do you guys care about my lovelife?” He crosses his arms on his chest.

“Because you guys still love each other. It’s written all over your faces.” Sharon smiles at him, but it looks sickly with her cut lip.

 

“No we’re not.”

 

“Yes you are.”

 

“No. We’re not.”

 

“Steve don’t be stupid.”

 

“No. She’s not!” Steve is standing now, the chair falling to the ground. His chest rises and falls and Sharon is just staring up at him.

 

“We hurt each other.” He says, finally. He grabs the chair and sits back down. Sharon is still looking at him, piecing together a puzzle only she can see.

 

“I hurt her. She hurt me. That doesn’t make us even.”

 

“No. It doesn’t. But give it time.”

 

“They’re moving out.” Steve reports to her. Sharon nods her head like she already knows.

 

“That’s good. Don’t know how this tower survived. It all seems so stifling.” She comments. Steve grabs a rag and pats it on the water dripping down her face.

 

“You’re sweet Steve. Makes me forget how jaded you really are.” Sharon says.

 

“And you’re annoying.” He tosses the rag on the table. “I don’t know why I even pursued you.”

 

“ _Pursued._ Ha!”

 

Steve goes to his little counter and fixes them both coffee. With the way Sharon is always interrupting the silence, he knows that it’s going to be a long night.

 

“So how did it feel when you found out you’ve been fucking your best friend’s daughter?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHOUT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO SEES THE ERYKAH BADU REFERENCE
> 
> Also, I am actually interested in what you guys want to read? More Steve/Darya, Darya and others, Bucky/Nat? Past Darya? 
> 
>  
> 
> Read and Review!  
> Love you


	5. The First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Steve couldn't take Bucky's animosity anymore, he decides the only way to get his attention is to incite a full on fist fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves! Did you miss me?  
> It's been a hectic couple of months but I am glad to announce that I'm graduating this coming Friday! Yay! 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for continuing to support this fic and this little chapter is just a reminder that I'm still here.   
> This is set after the rooftop bonfire chapter but before My Eyes are Green   
> It's a little short tbh but fear not because there is more to come
> 
> Read and Review.

       The first step is always the hardest. For Steve, however, the first step was a hard punch in the gut.

       “What the fuck were you thinking Rogers?! Seriously?!” Bucky shouted at him. Steven fell on his knees on the training mat and he cursed Bucky for his metal arm.

       “I knew this was coming,” Steve says as he regains his balance. There was no one else in the room to come to his aid but even if the whole team was there, no one would help him.

       Bucky glared at him as he tried to catch his breath. Steve knows that there was going to be a bruise. He hopes that there were no fractures in his lower ribs. He was the one who wanted it anyway. After finding Darya on that rooftop and driving her home, Bucky became more distant. Well, more distant than usual. Steve always thought, even before the whole Darcy Lewis Affair, that when he’ll find Bucky at least some things would go back to normal. Whatever that meant.

       When the shit hit the fan and when Wanda and Pietro were finally safe, Steve thought that there would be more time to breathe. However seeing Darya, as rare as it was, always seemed to leave him in a bad mood. Seeing her face, whether it be laughing at a joke, focused on a problem or a code in her laptop, or the determination when she fights, leaves his heart fluttering. He doesn’t know if it’s the lingering attraction or if he’s still in love with her. The fact that he isn’t even sure if he were even in love with her leaves him even more sour. He avoids her most of the time. In return, her father avoids Steve.

       Whenever Steve thinks about Darya being Natasha and Bucky’s daughter, his head starts spinning. He feels like shit for not seeing it sooner but it’s such an absurd concept. Can anyone blame him? Now he is twice as lost compared to when he was thawed out of ice. It doesn’t help that Bucky wouldn’t stop glaring at him all times of the day.

       That’s how Steve knew that Darya told him everything. Steve’s been waiting for the other shoe to drop but he’s realized that quiet animosity irks him more than a full on fist fight.

       So that’s why he walked up to Bucky on a boring Tuesday morning and challenged him to a fight.

       “You fucked Darya up! Didn’t you know that? I can’t believe you!” Bucky took on another swing but Steve swerved to the right, missing his fist by an inch.

       “You think I don’t know that?!” Steve shouts.

       “Yeah! I think you don’t know!” Bucky is still shouting. His face has turned all red.

       “Then tell me! I cared for Darcy. I really did.” Steve leaped back to avoid Bucky’s kick.

       “Her name’s Darya,” Bucky grunts out.

       “Darya. I cared for Darya,” he repeats in between breaths. “But you’ve got to give me some slack. There were so many things going on. I wasn’t thinking. I was…” Steve stops when he sees Bucky lower his arms and his stance goes slack. “What?” Steve asks.

       “You know that’s not the problem, right?” Bucky says. “I think you know what’s the real problem. You’re just afraid to say it.”

       Steve lets himself sink to the ground and rests his arms on his knees. Bucky follows, and the two men sit face to face. Steve looks at his best friend, even though he’s not sure he still has the right to call him that and sees the age in his eyes. Bucky will understand, he thinks. Steve sighs and scrubs his face in frustration.

       “I feel so out of place that it scares me,” Steve confesses, “Everything is so different, and I know… I know that it’s been years since I woke up. I should be over it right? You know that everyone we’ve ever known are either dead or dying? Right? Peggy is dying and I just…” Steve looks away, tears burning hot down his cheeks. “So yeah I miss home, even though I’m still technically in New York. I miss our old apartment. I miss our old friends. I’ve missed a lot of things and no one seems to understand, other than… Darya.

       She’s been so kind, so understanding, and so patient. God Almighty, I was such a moody asshole. Oftentimes, I feel like I used her. We used each other. I needed comfort, she gave it. She wanted comfort, I gave it too. Yet when it came to secrets, to the weight we were carrying, we were too afraid to share it. I was.

       When I saw Peggy on bed rest, seeing her life played out on the pictures on her walls, everything just came crumbling down, Buck. After that, it was just a downward spiral.”

       Steve hears Bucky sigh and push himself off the ground. Steve was ready for Bucky to turn his back and walk away. He wouldn’t blame him, but Bucky started to walk towards him, reaching his human hand out to him. Steve stares at his open palm with wet eyes.

       “Get up, punk,” he says, “Can’t hug you if your sitting down on your ass.” Steve grabs Bucky’s hand and Bucky hauls him up to stand. He huffs when Bucky pulls him into a bear hug.

       “I got you punk,” Steve holds him closer, even though the punch from earlier still stings, “I got you.”


End file.
